I Believe

I am just going to post a link to this video.  If the link doesn't work, cut and paste the URL to your browser.
Be sure your sound is turned up.

http://www.andiesisle.com/creation/magnificent.html

Blessings,

Red

The Children’s Bible In A Nutshell

You may have read this before, but, it’s timeless.

A Child was asked to write a book report on the entire Bible.

This is amazing and brought tears of laughter to my eyes.

Through the eyes of a child:

In the beginning, which was near the start, there was nothing but God, darkness and some gas.  The Bible says, ‘The Lord thy God is one’, but I think he must be a lot older than that.

Anyway, God said ‘Give me a light’ and someone did.

Then God made the world.

He split the Adam and made Eve.  Adam and Eve were naked but they weren’t embarrased because mirrors hadn’t been invented yet.

Adam and Eve had a son, Cain, who hated his brother as long as he was Abel.

Then came Noah, Abraham, Isaac and Jacob.  Jacob was more famous than his brother, Esau, because Esau sold Jacob his birthmark in exchange for some pot roast.  Jacob had a son named Joseph who wore a really loud sports coat.

Another important Bible guy is Moses, whos real name was Charlton Heston.  Moses led the Israel Lites out of Egypt and away from the evil Pharaoh after God sent ten plagues on Pharaoh’s people.  These plagues included frogs, mice, lice, bowels and no cable.

God fed the Israel Lites every day with manicotti.  Then he gave them his Top Ten Commandments.  These include:  Don’t lie, cheat, smoke, dance or covet your neighbor’s stuff.

After Joshua came David.  He got to be king by killing a giant with a slingshot.  He had a son named Solomon who had about 300 wives and 500 porcupines.  My teacher says he was wise, but that doesn’t sound very wise to me.

After Solomon there were a bunch of major league prophets.  One of these was Jonah, who was swallowed by a big whale and then barfed up on the shore.

After the Old Testament there was the New Testament.  Jesus is the star of the new.  He was born in Bethlehem in a barn.  (I wish I had been born in a barn too, because my mom is always saying to me ‘Close the door!  Were you born in a barn?  It would be nice to say ‘As a matter of fact, I was.’)

Jesus had twelve opposums.

The worst one was Judas Asparagus.  Judas was so evil that they named a terrible vegetable after him.

Jesus was a great man.  He healed many leopards and even preached to some Germans on the Mount.

But some guys put Jesus on trial before Pontius the Pilot.  Pilot didn’t stick up for Jesus.  He just washed his hands instead.

Anyways, Jesus went up to heaven but will be back at the end of the Aluminum.  His return is foretold in the Book of Revolution.

A Little Christian Humor

A father was approached by his small son who told him proudly, "I know what the Bible means!"
His father smiled and  replied, "What do you mean, you 'know' what the Bible means?
The son replied, "I do know!"
"Okay," said his father. "What does the Bible mean?"
"That's easy, Daddy...." the young  boy replied excitedly," It stands for 'Basic Information Before Leaving Earth.' (This one is my  favorite)

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There was a very  gracious lady who was mailing an old family Bible  to her brother in another part of the  country.
"Is there anything breakable in here?"  asked the postal clerk.
"Only the Ten Commandments." answered the  lady.

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"Somebody has said  there are only two kinds of people in the world. There are those who wake up in the morning and say, "Good morning, Lord," and there are those who wake up in the morning and say, "Good Lord, it's morning."

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A  minister waited in line to have his car filled  with gas just before a long holiday weekend. The  attendant worked quickly, but there were many cars ahead of him. Finally, the attendant motioned him toward a vacant pump.
"Reverend," said the  young man, "I'm so sorry about the delay. It seems as if everyone waits until the last minute to get  ready for a long trip."
The minister chuckled,  "I know what you mean. It's the same in my business."

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Sunday  after church, a Mom asked her very young daughter  what the lesson was about.
The daughter  answered, "Don't be scared, you'll get your quilt."
Needless to say, the Mom was perplexed.

Later in the day, the pastor stopped by for tea and the Mom asked him what that morning's

Sunday School lesson was about.
He said "Be not  afraid, thy comforter is coming."

How Much Do You Want For Them?

Shared from a .pps sent to me.

One day, Jesus and Satan had a conversation, and Jesus asked Satan what he was doing with the people here in the world…

Satan responded:  They are entertaining me:  I am teaching them to kill; to hate one another; to abuse children; showing the youth how to use drugs; to drink; to lie and to do everything prohibited.  I am amusing myself very much.

Jesus asked:  And after, what are you going to do with them?

After … I am going to finish them all.

Jesus asked:  How much do you want for them?

Satan replied:  Why are you going to love these people?  They are treacherous, lying, false, egotistic and covetous!  They will never really love you, they are going to blaspheme and spit in your face, they are going to despise you, and they will not consider you at all.

How much do you want for them, Satan?

I want all your tears and your blood.

OK, done deal … and Jesus paid the price of our salvation.

How do we forget Jesus?

We Believe everything the world shows us, but we question everything that comes from Him …

People send jokes through e-mail … sending them to each other instantly.

But, when the e-mail is about Jesus, people think about it twice before sending it to others.  Most of them never send it at all.

Everyone says they want to be with GOD someday.

A lot of us say:  I believe in Jesus … but, what do we do for him.

To speak of Jesus is not a matter that the people want to hear … they only come to Jesus when they are in big trouble.

Mark 8:38    “If anyone is ashamed of me and my words in this adulterous and sinful generation, The Son of Man will be ashamed of him when he comes in his Father’s glory with the Holy Angels.”

Peace Be With You ...